Feb 28, 2012

Alone...

Source


I have been trying very hard for the last little while to remain positive, smile, and be happy. burying any ill thought I have deep down where I was hoping they would get lost. Everyone once in a while, I feel it creeping back up, and I swallow hard at an attempt to force it out of my life again. How can someone feel so lost and alone? I mean truly alone. I feel like I am drowning at times, I feel like I must keep this smile plastered on my face for those that are down around me. I have never been good at speaking about my inner thoughts to anyone, I have always been one to lose myself in a book, allowing the world around me to disappear momentarily. But the problem is, after all that, and I am back out of la-la land... I feel this overwhelming urge to just sit and cry. How selfish is this of me? I have 3 kids 4 and under to take care of. Who look up to me for everything. How can a mother feel so down without the kids feeling it? I am trying so hard, but sometimes I need a breather, I need to just sit and cry. I miss my mom, I miss my family. It is times like this when I wish I had my family here with me... to be there for my kids. To drop in and check in on the kids when they are sick, just because they care. To drop in and check on me because they care. This is one of the things I miss the most being here, and far away from my family. Anyway, there is no sense in writing anymore, I will wipe this tear, wash my face, and go back to my kids.....