Mar 9, 2012

Reminder to the Future wives..

"I miss my 23 year old self. When I still felt the world was mine to conquer.. when I still believed I could make a change. When I still had this thirst for perfection. I still don't know what changed me. Was it my years of mental suppression here? Or was it me just growing up and finding reality?"

That was my Facebook status today. I have been thinking a lot of what I wanted to accomplish when I was younger. I had so many goals. I was very out spoken. Knew what was going on around the world... was part of debates.. discussions.. and yes even protests (I studied Political Science and Sociology @ Uni)... I was at the forefront of many causes, and was very vocal about what I believed in. When I came here, things changed. I was taken out of my element, and taken to a society where things were not as open. People generally did not discuss their OWN views on politics. Those who do discuss politics, usually do in the privacy of own home. So as the years went on, I grew more detached from my ideas, I am still very passionate about what I believe in, but I am no longer the leader I wanted to become. Sometimes I look at the younger generation through eyes of hope, hoping that society allows them to be themselves, instead of conforming to what society thinks they should.   I will admit that I was never a feminist, as I felt many of the issues went above and beyond what I thought was important. But here in Saudi, things changed.. my rosy coloured glasses were taken off, and reality hit me- things were different now. When I was sitting with other females, the discussions went from shopping excursions in different countries, to the latest must have hand bag, the latest music video(Yes you will even find older ladies passionately talking about such trivial matters), or the latest vacation they went to and the things they bought while there. I constantly found myself leaning towards and listening in on the 'Mens' discussions, and found myself joining them and completely leaving the prior group.

Anyway.. at the end of the day... if I can give one piece of advise to any of the wives that will be coming here to Saudi. Be yourself, do not lose your identity. Please keep your brain working, do not allow society to drain you. Life here is great, but you can always enhance the experience here by NOT losing yourself. Whatever your passion is, do not eave it behind in your home country. Things are drastically different now, but remembering to bring your WHOLE self on that plane here, will allow you to life your life to the fullest. And remember, if you converted/reverted to Islam, it does not mean you need to change who you are... it simply means trying to become a better version of who you already are. Do NOT lose yourself!

PS- Don't get me wrong, I love traveling and I love fashion... just need some intellectual conversations at times :)

Picture taken from a plane window a few years ago



  1. thank you for the advice om lujain.

    i think even if you are not a well known leader of the community and such, you are still a leader in your home. you can teach your children the values that you hold dear and in a country like Saudi, the children are the ones who will eventually make the changes inshaAllah. The youth are the majority...

    Rest assured that you are shaping the lives of future leaders and also here in the blog you speaking about what you believe and being honest and open. You are still doing your protest, even if you aren't outside holding signs or having heated arguments.

    Anyway, heated arguments almost never change anyone's opinion... I think you have a much better chance for change by starting with your own family.

  2. :) Thank you. My main point wasn't about protest, it was more about not losing ones ability to think. I would personally not go on protests here I admit. Things are different. One of my biggest protests was about Palestine. Not much to protest about here. :) Except perhaps driving.. where simply driving is protest enough :) And I do believe that talking to people gets more out of them then screaming :)

    At the end of the day... continue to read up on world happenings (much easier with the fast internet provided now). And you are absolutely correct... I am now a leader for my kids... it is my job to teach them right from wrong... my job to teach them religion.. to teach them life skills etc. So thank you very much dear <3 I appreciated your comment.

  3. Yeah i understand what you mean... some "accepted" conversation topics for girls do tend to make my brain feel a bit numb if i'm not in the mood. Its good to keep your skills sharp. :-)

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  5. I would start a book club if I were you ,m with people who share similar interests ,, I would LOVE to do that but I live too far from the city ,, you'll find yourself attracting and being attracted to the right circles!

    1. That is a wonderful idea, I do love to read, and have boxes of books (I moved and they are still in boxes) of books I need to read :)

      Where do you live if you don't mind my asking?

  6. Your post has touched my heart !! As if you were talking about me !! But in my case, I feel that I started to lose myself after marriage. I feel so trapped sometimes ! I envy the newly graduates for their passion and enthusiasm sometimes :( sigh*

    1. I think it is important that we find ourselves. These feeling of loss can't be good for us or our marriages. We need a balance where we can keep our partner happy, while we keep ourselves happy as well. I hope you find the perfect balance. I am searching for it myself, and hope we all get there one day. *Hug*


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