In a perfect world, one can trust anyone. They can trust their neighbour, their classmates, their family, their friends, and just about anyone, because in a perfect world, one human being would not want to willingly hurt another.
But we all know that we live in a place far from perfect, a place where some peoples happiness is solely based on another's grief. A place where one can not trust anyone anymore, because many people have their own twisted agenda to get what they want in life, not really caring about others. As a young girl, I learnt quickly that not all people can be trusted. I learnt that a friend of my uncles who I considered a friend to me, tried to rape me with the guise that only a bad girl would allow someone in their house. He was a family friend, I trusted that he would respect my family, and honour. But that did not happen, thank God nothing happened to me, I was strong enough to kick this fellow out of our house, and out of our lives. I just wish at times that the shame game didn't keep me quiet. I wish I exposed his evil ways, but I didn't want any part in the blame game. At an even younger age (think about 4), I was molested by a family member, that I was entrusted to, that was supposed to take care of, that was supposed to keep me safe, that as a woman you would think should have had the motherly instinct in her, but lest we forget, nobody is to be trusted. I don't know how my post took this direction, but I will allow it to stay that way. It was a nightmare to me for many years, but when I entered my teenage years, the memories came back rushing in. I was mortified, I remember what triggered this memory, but I would rather not mention it as it is of a delicate matter. I remember keeping to myself, but nobody noticed as I was the middle child, and was known to stick with my books and read on my own. When I did build up the courage, it was found out that I was not the only person who suffered in the hands of that person. But guess what? Nothing was done about it. I have longed to confront that person, just so that she would know that she did not get away scotch free. I was disgusted to know that this person was now in charge of caring for her own child. I have always wondered if that little boy, now in his teenage years suffered at the hands of such an evil mother. Again, my parents apologized to me and were saddened that such a thing could happen to me, but nobody confronted her, no one chose to be my advocate. I wonder now, how many people suffer in the hands of family, and its gently swept under the rug, so that outsiders will not know what is happening behind closed doors, and thus shame will not be brought to the family.
Now as a mother, I have the hardest time trusting anyone with my children, I fear that even those I love and cherish the most may take advantage of a child that can not fight or even properly talk back. I know I can not have my child around me 24/7. In the perfect world, I would never have to worry about such evil, but in a time that trust is no longer fully available, what does a parent do? I often wonder how I can teach my children that such things are not appropriate, and that if anyone ever touches them or vice versa it is wrong. My children as still young and innocent, and a part of me wants to keep them that way, to allow them to believe that this world is perfect, that evil does not exist. That all people genuinely care for one another.
I think I have gone too long here, and still can't understand why I even blogged about such a personal matter to me. But I will not hit the delete button I have a sudden urge to, but will allow this to be published.
Nov 24, 2010