Mar 26, 2010

No to Minor Marriages



No to Minor Marriages


I think that such marriages are wrong. These marriages sadly hit very close to home for me.

My grandmother at the age of 12 was forced to marry my 40 something year old grandfather (May he rest in peace) . I got tears in my eyes as she recalled her 'marriage'. She was NOT asked if she wanted to marry him. She was not even told that she was going to marry him. My great grand mother just told her to get ready as she would be carrying something heavy. My grandmother got scared and was wondering what this heavy thing was, that she was supposed to carry. She told me the day this happened she was happily playing outside her home in Makkah with her toys, and just having fun. She said that all of a sudden she remembers being taken to this older man, some celebrations happening, and then being sent off with him. She still did not understand what was happening, she said that it took her a long time to even get used to him, and that she used to hide under the covers from him while she cried herself to sleep. Sadly she was abused by him (I do not want to go into too much detail). But my grandmother was strong, and ran away from him, he kept her eldest child a son (May he rest in peace- he sadly passed away last year still thinking my grandmother did not love him like her other children), but she still had to run for her safety, and the safety of her newborn daughter. She got divorced form him and at 17 found a husband closer to her age, that showed her true happiness, and raised her daughter as his own. She had more children with him, and was happy until he passed away in the early 60's (May he rest in peace).

My Paternal grandfather was gifted a 9 year old to marry. He didn't marry her until she hit maturity'', but I still believe such actions are wrong.


In Islam, a bride no matter how old she is MUST consent to marriage. If this is a 9 year old, she obviously had no chance to convent, and has become a financial deal between her father and the man who would become her husband. I truly pray that these practices are stopped, and we allow our children to be children.

 


7 comments:

  1. I absolutely agree. These marriages are performed in an unislamic way. From what I hear (I have not experienced it, alhamdulillah), a child is often traded for debt-payoff or favors/familial advantages.

    And seriously, what 40 year old or 60 year old man, in this day and time, when we know the dangers of early marriage, not only for mortality, but educationally and socioeconomically, would want to marry a child? Especially since we have longer lifespans and the considerations that applied 1400 years ago don't apply today (in this case)?

    A'oothu billah. May Allah SWT help these girls and reward those who have been oppressed with Jannah Firdous, ameen.

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  2. My father and mother in law were both child groom and bride. She 14, he 16, and have literally grown up together. When asked, both say that they would both wanted to marry later, but given the non-options all they could do was make lemonade out of the lemons handed to them. They have, alhamdulillah a beautiful relationship. But this is different and less malignant than a 12 or 14 year old girl being married off to a 40 something man. This is taking the "men like school girls" to the extreme. Its disgusting, and unworthy of the human race; regardless of where its practiced.

    Unfortunately, women participate in this as well when it comes time to marry off a girl so tender in age. I have heard mothers who have raised their daughters in the US, say they are sending them back "home" to be married off even before they are allowed to finish middle or high school - they actually have the audacity to say it will keep their daughters under control! Horrible!

    My in-laws have refused to marry any of their daughters before the age of 20; and there have been many offers. "If they are not going to live at the very least like they live at home,they are not going anywhere", is my father-in-law's stance. My mother-in-law says she wants her daughters to be women first, then marriage. That she made too many mistakes because of her immaturity that she can't undo.

    Why the myth of child marriages continues to grow and be enacted on is something I have no ready answer for. But they have to stop looking at the Qur'an for justifications. And the Sunnah of the Prophet SAW, is all dependent on the times and circumstances. This issue of child marriages doesn't merit following. But it is the only excuse used to continue participating in it.

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  3. as-salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah,

    the stories that have been in the press lately have made my stomach turn.

    almost all the child brides in the media lately were about exchanging the daughter for relief of debt or money to relieve them of debt. this is not marrying off your child. this is SELLING your child.

    its just another example of keeping a cultural practice alive when it goes against Islam.

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  4. Assalamualaikum sis,

    It is disturbing to know these practices are still being upheld in some places. Just what is the rationale in giving away a 9-year-old to a 40-year-old man? Are children now seen as a barter item, reared just to settle debts incurred by someone else? This is insanity, and inhumane.

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  5. Assalaamu alaikum,

    How sad about your grandmother. alhamdulillah she was strong and was able to leave him.

    I agree that child marriages are wrong, but I think that putting an age restriction of 18 is too old, like I've read in some news stories. I think there are some 16 and 17 year old girls who are mature enough to marry. I want my daughter/s to get married young, but I also want them to marry someone near to their age. Even if they cannot financially support themselves in the beginning, I think that's fine. I would rather protect my daughter with marriage and let her marry a poor college student than make her wait until she's older just so she can marry someone who has a job and is financially stable.

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  6. Asalam Alaykum, I saw her update not long ago. She said she is having many problems. Everyone hates her now bc they think shes a bad girl to say it nice. She is very poor and her family is as well. They did all this (brought her story out) and just left her there with nothing. Poor little thing. They tried to throw acid on her face..

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