Jan 29, 2009

The Ignorant In-law...

Well as many of you know, I am married to my hubby of nearly 5 years, who is a sweet guy and just happens to be Saudi. I have a little girl whom I adore, and live for! I live in Riyadh, and still reside in my husbands fathers home! (I would not wish this upon my worst enemy) The reason I am still stuck int he home, is that it is in all honestly huge and empty- save my father-in-law and the maids. My single Sister-in-law and brothers-in-law are studying in the States and the rest are married. You would think I should be happy in this home, but the sad reality is, it is not my home. I have been welcomed to live here, but I still feel like an outsider or a guest in a place I have been living in for well over 4 years! I haven't really met my husbands fathers extended family- they are qaseemi's and have a hard time welcoming in non-saudis (so I have been told)- yet I must quickly add that my own husbands mother is NOT Saudi! She is Turkish/Syrian. Anyhoo, when my husband and I got married, I came to live in this home (it was supposed to be a temporary fix till we found a place that we were happy with). My in-laws were and still are very sweet to me, yet I always felt I was never truly welcomed. It's weird, at times i felt I was just one of them laughing with them at their jokes, and the very next week I felt like I wasn't welcome?! I don't know, its just me, and I haven't bothered my husband with my feelings, cause they are just that- feelings. Anyway, After a few months here, I found out that my husbands eldest sister's husband has banned her from ever talking to her brother again. He threatened to divorce her! He did not enter the home any longer, and cut off the entire family (even my father-in-law...) Wanna guess why that happened? It's because he felt that it was a shame that my husband did not marry a fellow Saudi from Najd, and from a well known family. He was angered that his brother-in-law ( I still don't get why its even his bloody business) married a NON Saudi girl. (This guy actually forced his own brother to divorce the love of his life because she was from the Hijaz!!! Go Figure!!!). Anyway, I was very shocked when I found out, and was saddened that I was the reason for causing my sister-in-law to get divorced (now I have come to terms that i am NOT the reason, and that rather this ignorant man is the reason). The funny thing is he is a very strong business man, and has business dealings with people all over the world. I wonder how many people truly know how ignorant he truly is?!?!? Anyway, for about a year and half now, things have gotten back to normal with this fellow and my other in-laws, keeping my husband and I at bay. To the point that we are given a call letting us know that he is coming over, and for us to try not come out where he can see us (Easy enough.. the place is huge, and it would be next to impossible to see him unless I went out of my way to). That has been pretty much my sign to truly distance myself from the family. My daughter- which is the only grand-child that actually bears the family name, is to be hidden from this man, as he can not accept that my child exists.. ooo and btw he isn't fully Saudi either.. his mother is Egyptian! (I hear his paternal side of the family put them through hell, and disowned his father for a few years till they came to sense). So Maybe he is like this because of some psychological scars he has from his childhood? (my naive self making excuses for someone that doesn't even deserve it.) Anyways, I have let myself sleep reminding myself that he really isn't worth my time, nor do I need his acceptance.. (his own kids come visit me, and love my little girl). I just remind myself that patience is key, and this guy truly has something awful coming to him! I truly think that I can learn to be happy here, I just need to make some changes in my life... and I will be on the road to acceptance (*_-)... till then I will take every opportunity to get out of Riyadh.. and head elsewhere.. anywhere else! My next stop is Bahrain! 10 days to go....Here I come Freedom.. here I come! That's enough ranting for tonight... Good night from Riyadh!


  1. Hi! I got here from American Bedu's blog and your comments there.
    This post really struck a chord with me since, although one of my Arab BILs has not gone so far, I am amazed at the amount of power he has in the family and seems to believe he should have over me. In my case, he clearly fears that I will (by example) contaminate his wife's adoption of a stay-at-home mom role, and is threatened by a successful professional woman. He has publicly said and done things that were personally and professionally hurtful, and has tried to cause fights between my hubby and I.
    Perhaps in this sense, you are lucky not to have contact with this person. I think the more unpleasant situations are those where the person is subtle enough that one must stay involved with them only to continue being targetted.
    Your BIL sounds like he is overcompensating for his own "tribal impurity" by policing that of others. I would worry about allowing such a person to be near my child, for fear of him trying to make her feel inferior.
    Thanks for sharing, and the opportunity to share; and I hope you find ways to make this house feel like your own home.

  2. Thanks for passing by... I feel for you as well... I guess you have a point... he is better out of my life... tat way he can't truly meddle into it il7amdlilaah! I hope to have a place of my own in the near future... I just hope it happens sooner than later.. :)

  3. hey sis i know how you feel im half somali and half sa3uudi from my dads side (so this means they consider me sa3udi enuf cz they dont count whrever ur mums from right), but anyways although to be fair most of my family is pretty cool one of my dads sisters to be fair shes just arrogant and pompous with a husband she uses as a personal bank, and she seems to be personally offended by me nd my sisters half somaliness, but she likes my broz who have a saudi mum
    owell lol
    naz @somalianarab.blogspot.com xx


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