Aug 19, 2008

A breath of fresh air....

I have always found that something comes upon me as soon as I leave Saudi. Whether it is crossing the border into neighbouring Bahrain. Or on an airplane leaving the country. I get this feeling of freedom. This feeling that I can truly be myself, and not worry about others looking, staring, and judging me for things that are first nature to me.
Don't get me wrong, I actually like living in Riyadh - lol.. yup I finally admitted it!. But I still can't help but feel this weight off my shoulders as soon as I leave the Kingdom. I remember 2 years ago while I was in Toronto. I was walking downtown with my younger brother, and I just sat there in awe. I was able to walk around, not worry about anybody judging me. Taking pictures of anything my heart desired! I kept telling my brother I was feeling amazing. He just looked at me like I was someone that was recently released from prison and finally getting their first breath of freedom. My friends to this day cannot believe that I am living in a country where I can not drive, where I really can't do anything I want to. I used to be the fun one, the one that truly loved to laugh, and enjoyed life to the fullest. My friends have said to me countless times that I am no longer that same carefree girl that left them 4 years ago. I have changed, maybe its for the better, maybe it isn't. I just miss having my social life. Here in Riyadh, I really don't. I go out with my husbands bestfriends wives. And as one can imagine, I can't be myself. I have to act 'Saudi'. I remember once I was sitting amongst many girls, and we were just talking about different subjects. Later on one of my husbands friends wife came to me and was like, 'dear, you should never talk about that subject.' I was kind of confused, as they were all talking about it, and I had just put in my two cents. So from there I have learnt to keep my mouth shut, and simply suck in whatever I want to say, and say whatever others want me to say (for the sake of my husband)... anyway, as one can imagine, I have chosen to stay away from most of the people i met, and keep to myself. I miss my old friends. I miss my old me. Sometimes I lash out at my husband and tell him that I have changed soo much for him, I have become a boring old lady.
I can just see my future; I will have my daughter telling me how un-cool I am.. lol
I NEED A BREATH OF FRESH AIR!!!!
I have added some pictures of Toronto! I miss it so!!!!
(I have more pictures to add, but I am having a very hard time adding them... so I will leave them for another time enshallah...)

4 comments:

  1. Can understand only too well what this post is about!
    Life in Riyadh can be like that .. hang in there!

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  2. Btw I'm also in Riyadh and have small children.

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  3. I'm coming back here to read what you've written, SW. Thanks for visiting my spot. But in comment to this post - and I will NEVER say I love it here - or even "like" it here - it IS home. That's important. Back soon for more comments, here. And thanks for visiting my place. By the way... We're home. And I did the "breathe - sigh of relief - we ARE home" when we crossed the bridge in Bahrain. It is home. Not forever. But for now. Hugs!

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  4. The Rambling Rose... thats great... how old r ur little ones? And how long have u been in Riyadh?

    Sabra- lol... thats how ur lucky... u know there is a time limit to ur stay here... when I married my hubby... I made the decision to relocate to Riyadh to be with him... so I am kinda stuck... I do of-course try to talk him into moving us out of here all the time.. it is yet to work.. but I must remain persistent.. :D

    Thanks for passing by XOXO

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