Jun 29, 2008

Endless thoughts...

Sitting down, staring into the walls... Wondering where my life will lead me. Will this be my future? will happier more brighter days ever come? I must always remember to thank Allah for all he has given me, he has granted me a wonderful little baby girl, whom I adore with all my heart. At times I try to remember life before her, and its all a blur. She brought true happiness to my life. And for her I want to build a secure home, a home she can be happy in, can wake up to in the morning with a smile on her face. This home isn't it. Yes its large, its very very large, yet its not home to me, and will most probably never be a home to my daughter. I feel like a guest after 4 years living here, I still no not feel that sigh of relief that I am 'home' after being away for a long time. I need that security, I need that happiness. For all you girls out there, please promise me that you will NEVER live in ur husbands family home. Not even if he claims it will be for only 6 months, for 1 day is too long. I pray for my release from this jail I have accepted for far too long. I was watching Army wives for the last 24 hours... finished the first season, and 2 episodes from the new season.. It had me in tears, it had me smiling, it has me thinking. What would I ever do without tv shows? I would truly be stuck in this non existent ghost home with no outlet to the outside world. And for that I must thank God for that outlet to the world, for my sanity, and my semi-mediocre existence.

2 comments:

  1. Asslaamu 'alaikum!

    First, thank you for linking to my blog. I am glad that you like it.

    I also lived with my in-laws for a while, and I understand some of how you feel. I love my in-laws, but I wanted to feel I was mistress of my own home. I hated to have to conform to someone else's schedule. But there must be some benefits you can find in the situation. I know it is hard advice to take, but you know the saying, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade"? I keep trying to find ways to make that lemonade! It sounds like you are mostly lonely. Are there any classes you could take? Maybe tajweed? I don't mean to sound preachy, but I am sure there is a way you can make this life work for you.

    Does your husband understand how unhappy you are with the situation? Don't just assume he understands. Men can be totally dense sometimes.

    Sorry if I am rambling, but it's late and I am tired. I have another comment about another post. I used a currency converter to see how much your 1200SAR abaya cost. MashaAllah! My daughter just started wearing jilbabs and abayas. She was wearing long shirts over pants and a scarf before. I took her shopping the other day and we bought a grey jilbab with matching pants and a black (shoulder) abaya for 250 shekels, that's 287SAR. I am sure it isn't as fine as yours though.

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  2. wa 3laikum asalam my dear...


    lol.. I have been making all types of lemonade for 4 years now.. :D

    The in-law situation is tough.. my husband knows EXACTLY how I feel... but he feels obliged to remain in the home.. I understand where he is coming from, as his parents are divorced, and we are living with his father now... but I still yearn to one day be the 'mistress' of the household. As far as taking classes, there are several classes I can take, but its hard as I do not have anyone to leave my daughter with... and I do not feel comfortable leaving her with the maids :s But I am thinking of taking something up where my daughter can be involved enshallah..

    As for the 3baya... I wish I could pay that amount for a 3baya.. i think those days are far and gone here in saudi... lol.... I will take a picture and post it on the blog... it didn't come out as I wanted.. so I will need to go back to the store and get it altered enshallah...

    Thank you so much for passing by.. much appreciated! And I would love to hear more about ur life in Palestine... especially through the eyes of a non Palestinian.

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